you make me want to say "you're bitchin'"

Sitting in a park for no reason sharing cuts and scars with Sean.
He made me climb a trash can to reach a roof. We tipped it and almost broke our backs. I landed on him. Someone almost called 911. My temple is still throbbing. I won't go to sleep until I know it's not a concusion.


Got my hair done at 10:30. Just like Jack Barakat's. Well, it will be 'just' like when I try straightening it on Monday. I like that Sean was the first person to see it. He didn't really have an opinion on it, but I don't think he hated it. I can't figure out why I care.

"Eryn Smith" by The Matches is my new favorite song.
Need to start getting my shit together for the AP Tour. Just a week away.

compulsively charging cds to my account.

Listening to The Matches.
Sixteen days until the AP Tour.
Four days since I've last cut.
Years since I've felt right.
I don't want to have my high school schedule signed and approved as it is, I want to just skate through and not stress myself out to weekly suicide attempts. I could just impress them and blow straight outta there, if it weren't a rural little shithole.
Work that I can't even begin to do. I'm dying here.

Don't really know how to accurately describe the state I'm in right now. Probably Iowa.
"Dying Is Your Latest Fashion" is now on my alltime top twenty-five cd-list.
Epitaph shit ought be here soon.

keep dreaming upside down.

That's what my life feels like. Awkwardly amazing conversations, deepeyes, hugs, and arms around shoulders. This doesn't seem like my life at all, and it doesn't feel comfortable, but I think I could get used to it.
Brokedown today, for no real reason other than the future, flourescent lights, and too much. Just too much.
Stress and love, and closer to some people than I thought I ever would be. Wait, social interaction? What the fuck is happening here?

Still have to listen to my new copy of "Dying Is Your Latest Fashion".
Still waiting for my new glasses. Any fucking day now.
Now I'm waiting for my hair appointment on the nineteenth.
Waiting.

Tonight I finally get a new episode of Survivor. Thank god. I can live now.