New and improved(?/!) me, one concert older. God, I just never stop. You'd think I've been doing this for years now, the way I go at it. Really, it's like, a year and almost a half. For a whole week post-Warped, I held three disgustingly beautiful huge bruises down the side of my right arm. I poked them a lot, just to let them know I cared. I know how I got them too, elbowing the bikini-topped bimbos trying to get to Derek [Mayday Parade] when he dove from the stage. Eh, whatever, all in all, it was an amazing day.
Rereading "Fight Club", picking up things I missed the first time. And yeah, I'll admit it, I giggle through all the slashy Narrator/Tyler moments. Because come on, he fell in love with himself, it's sweet and twisted and homosexual, LOVE. Having amazing alonetime moments. Trying to build up some loner-resolves. I need to be more of a badass.
Other things, not so awesome, totally. For the first time in months over a year, I feel ALONE. I feel like I could die and no one would care enough. I just want to be like everyone else. I want to be able to just introduce myself to people, and start conversations and relax and open up and just live like everyone else. But I feel alone. I have no one to turn to anymore. I feel completely unwanted. Fuck.
ps.st: i have the insane urge to find songs in me to write.
16 years ago
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